The one where they were on a break…
I’ve always loved romanticising my life. Thinking of it like a TV show. Wondering: what would the audience be screaming at me right now? What ships would they have? Never in a million years did I think I'd end up like Rachel in Friends with a guy telling me he didn’t regret kissing another girl (he actually ‘liked’ it), because ‘WE WERE ON A BREAK’.
And just like that… I was single.
Angry. Hurt. Mostly nauseous — the kind of sick that no amount of champagne, cat cuddles or bad reality TV can fix. I’ve always been a person that loves deeply. I’ve always said: once you’re ‘in’ you’re stuck with me. It takes a wrecking ball on steroids to shatter the piece of me that cares for you. Well, being cheated on feels like being stabbed in the heart, run over by a car, hit with a sledgehammer and kicked in the gut a hundred times over.
On Friends it was very clear that Rachel and Ross were on a break. And although they didn’t agree on any terms, the real debate to me has always been about him not telling her. A question of how much did you really love a person if you can be so selfish and disrespectful, to pride yourself on a technicality.
As in many good TV shows, I find myself in a situation where I cannot escape the now ex. He is woven into my personal and professional life like a recurring character you just can’t write off. So, how do you move on? I honestly don’t know. I don’t know how to be single anymore. How do you date after being with someone you loved so deeply. How do you go back to the questions of ‘how many siblings do you have?’ and ‘what’s your favorite color?’. What if someone is rude to servers in restaurants? What if their favorite drink is a rum and coke? What if they think brunch is overrated?
I am lucky enough to be surrounded by a strong support system of friends, and I know I am not the only 20-something year old girl going through this and all the other struggles that come with this messy, beautiful, confusing period of your life. There are thousands of us in Amsterdam alone. So please, let me and this blog be a safe space for all of us who are just figuring things out. Making mistakes, doubling back, and sometimes getting it spectacularly wrong is all part of the deal. Hoping we’re all just one more fuck-up away from happily ever after, right?
One last piece of advice: don’t go on a break. And if you do, explicitly state the terms of the break. Apparently in my case I should have not only said ‘to not sleep with someone else’, but add ‘no kissing a friend we used to hang out with as a couple.’ because now he can tell himself he didn’t do anything wrong. He can keep holding onto his technicality. I’ll hold onto the hope that real love doesn’t need fine print.
Life isn’t a sitcom. It’s improv with shitty lighting and plot twists nobody asked for — but hey, the show must go on. Any tips on getting over someone are greatly appreciated. Advice on how you keep your friends from breaking the ex’s kneecaps would be good as well.